I'm not here to make friends
by Cameron Schneberger
Listen. I came here to be number one
and the sun shines for me and the autumn leaves
are my confetti and I show up late to my job
at Starbucks with coffee from another Starbucks.
My landlord sent me a dick pic. It did not frighten me.
Yes this prick has a key to my house, but now he's fit
for blackmail. I'm not here to make friends.
This is said a lot on reality shows because when love
and money are at stake, a friendship is as useless
as a teacup on the Titanic. I don't believe in crimes.
If I'm crying in public don't ask me how I'm doing
I'm doing bad. If I'm losing in badminton I will
attack you with the racquet. In my youth I tripped
a boy down a hill. The joy of watching his buzz
cut tumble. And that kid I tripped. I had no beef
with him. I had to send a message to his older brothers.
Listen. I came here to be number one
and the sun shines for me and the autumn leaves
are my confetti and I show up late to my job
at Starbucks with coffee from another Starbucks.
My landlord sent me a dick pic. It did not frighten me.
Yes this prick has a key to my house, but now he's fit
for blackmail. I'm not here to make friends.
This is said a lot on reality shows because when love
and money are at stake, a friendship is as useless
as a teacup on the Titanic. I don't believe in crimes.
If I'm crying in public don't ask me how I'm doing
I'm doing bad. If I'm losing in badminton I will
attack you with the racquet. In my youth I tripped
a boy down a hill. The joy of watching his buzz
cut tumble. And that kid I tripped. I had no beef
with him. I had to send a message to his older brothers.